For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As shirtless as possible
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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