dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
