She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
