Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
