what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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