sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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