i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
