wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
