You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
