I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
