White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
