So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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