why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
