I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
