Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He kissed a someone with a penis
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
