i wish starbucks made bloody marys
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
