At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
