my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
