I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
