LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
