what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
