I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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