at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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