why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
