"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
