you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
3pm strippers are depressing
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
