I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
