If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
