She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As shirtless as possible
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
