Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
