At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
