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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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