No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Found the puke drawer
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
