everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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