chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
