If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
