You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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