Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
