I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
