can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Acid is not a monday night drug
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
