I want to stick my p in your. b.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
