I showed him my bush... on skype.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
