Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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