then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
