Swine flu. Run for my life!
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
