My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
