Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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