I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Everyone says I win the strip club
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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