do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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