We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
