she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
