I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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