a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
