we have pet lesbian snakes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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